Confusion!

Does it ever happen to you when you read motivational quotes or articles, and instead of getting inspired, they scare you? You read about all the hard work someone has put in to be where they are today, at the top of the success ladder and there you are, contemplating whether you even have it in you to achieve your dreams. What do you do when this anxiety kicks in? Is this even real or is it just laziness or lack of desire that makes everything seem so scary and unachievable?

There is this one catchphrase that we often use – “This happens to everyone”. And the hidden meaning that follows this sentence is “let it go, move on, go with the flow or give it time”. How does this apply to all, when everyone’s situation is different, when everyone’s thought processes are so different? I have met people who used their trauma as a fuel to work on themselves and make their lives better. I have met people who have not been able to pull themselves back up after the setbacks that kicked them down. I also know people who have made a sort of compromise with the situation. The compromise being, not getting backed down by the setback but also not accepting the reality fully. It is somewhat like being in denial, not wanting to know certain truths to destroy their illusions. I feel like I also belong to this third category.

At the start of this year, I sat down and told myself – It’s a new year, another chance to work on stuff you couldn’t (rather didn’t) do last year. So far, I haven’t been able to tick off a single thing from my to-do list of 2021. I am not big on New Year resolutions, but there sure were some things on my mind to accomplish or at least to start, when the year started. After a lot of thinking and brainstorming sessions alone with my million crazy and confusing thoughts, I got to the conclusion- either I am being too lenient with myself or I am being too hard on myself. But this is scary too, right? I mean, what if this confusion never gets solved? Sure, my bio reads self-motivated individual, and most of the times I am. But there are certain moments when everything makes me question this. Then again, I don’t want to destroy few illusions I have about certain people or situations. They have shaped my way of thinking and help to keep me grounded. Without them, I am not sure and not yet ready to know the kind of person I will be.

Maybe right now, the best thing to do is to keep on pushing and taking steps towards achieving the goal. After all, even a small step in the right direction counts. Also, these crazy thoughts are not going anywhere, so hopefully one day there will be clarity to all this confusion.

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