Love is a bit confusing. Perhaps I confused one year of friendship, care and intimacy with love. Maybe it is not love when, even after all this time, whenever I look at a pair of suspenders, the first thought that comes to my mind is how your dad likes them. Or when I come across a cute polka dots accessory, I think of how your mom adores them. Maybe it is not love when I read a cool Harry Potter fact and instantly save the post to share it with your brother, only realising a few seconds later that I am never going to get the chance anymore. It was probably not love, just my mind tricking me into thinking it was, when we could read each other’s minds, or when we were each other’s safe place. It is perhaps not love, when, even after all this time and all that has happened, you are still the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last thought before I fall asleep. Maybe your being on my mind all day is not love, after all. Maybe now it is time to change all my passwords from your name to something else.

If you really love someone, you should be happy in their happiness, regardless of whether you are a part of it or not.

Still working on trying to be this selfless true lover, or at least a good human.


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